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#1
08-15-2009
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First Break coming
It has been 4 weeks and one day since my son went into OYC. the first two letters we received from him were encouraging. One even said, 'its not so bad here'. Last week, however, we received a letter saying basically that he was done and to come pick him up. My heart dropped. I knew it would be tough for him and us, but I have to admit seeing it in writing was a bit of a shock to his mother and I.
The first break will be in 3 weeks and we are concerned that if we bring our son home, we will not want to go back. We realize this is a volunteer program and if he wanted out bad enough, he could get out, but we just dont want to make it easier for him. We were thinking about taking him on a mini vacation (camping, rafting) on the break so we could have fun, but not necessarily come home. I am torn about this idea because it seems like we are 'tricking him' and he should be able to come home if he wants. In my last letter to him, I asked him if there was something fun he would like to do while on break, so hopefully our plans will work out, but if he says, I just want to go home for the break, we are concerned he will not want to go back. I also went to a military high school and know how hard it must be for the cadets, but when its your child, it is difficult to work through the feelings. I am still writing very encouraging letters, but inside I am huring. Father of Cadet |
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#2
08-18-2009
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Concerned parent too
I too share the same concern, and would bet that several other parents do too. I hope that the platoon leaders cover this (maybe set it up like a challenge for them to return) as it probably is an issue on every break for each and every class. I worry because I got a phone call, and my heart absolutely dropped, because this is our last option - I truely know this in my heart. My son assured me that he knows he can do better in school, and of course we had had this discussions before. I am finally standing up to him, and following through for once in my life. I was clear in my tough love approach "If you do not complete this program, you do not have a home to come home to." I also pointed out that he is not a quiter, that he can do it, etc. The very next letter just begged to let him come home, this is not the place for him, etc. I know that the home sickness has finally set in, and he has made a friend, and each time they have gone home! The second page of his letter said "Well I guess I will stay till first break, but if I ask will you let me stay home then?" I wrote back and said that "I am not spending what little time I have with you fighting and arguing about you staying home, or I will not even pick you up!" I am so excited about the 4th, but apprehensive about the 8th and what will take place, what if he refuses to get in the car? I know when our children walk across the stage to receive their diplomas and shake their platoon leaders hands - the pride that they will feel will be insurmountable, but getting them to that point is going to be a struggle for some of our families I think. My prayers are for all of us to have a wonderful time bonding with our loved ones, and learning about their experiences so far. For everyone to focus on all the positives, and to have an easier return time on the 8th. Thank you for sharing your concerns
 , as I have been more stressed since the phone call on August 5th. |
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#3
08-19-2009
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I too am anxious about my son's first visit home. I don't expect him to refuse to return to OYCP, but I worry that he will be influenced by friends to use marijuana and then fail his UA upon his return. I am not sure how to ensure his staying clean, as I could not even keep him in his regular school. Ultimately I know these are his choices and that I cannot control the choices he makes, but I sure do want him to make the right ones.
I am also anxious about our getting along OK on his home visit. He is so rebellious right now that I suspect our getting along will be tough. I've called his platoon leader for direction, but have not heard back yet. Hope to hear from him soon. Best wishes for all of us. |
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#4
08-20-2009
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 MY hearts feels for the parents, that your cadet wants to quit. I'm on the other side my cadet is doing so GREAT. I thought I would of got the call come and get her. But she has done a 360, she working hard and making friends. I'm so very proud of cadet, the 4th can't come any faster. GO WOLF PACK PLT 3VERY PROUD MOM (cadet hoskins's mom gen) |
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#5
08-20-2009
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I too am concerned about the break. I'm worried about how my son is feeling. I have not received any letters from him for almost two weeks now, and a little worried. Just hopeing he is just too busy to write, with school and all. I can't wait to see him on break and learn of all the things he has done while there. We just need to focus on the positive and hope that they make the right decision to stay...... |
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#6
08-20-2009
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Cadet Smith's Mom
I too am SO worried about the home visit, that we started therapy and our therapist is giving us tips and plans for my son's visit. I got the call a week after the program started from the Platoon Leader. My son's coping skills exist of lying in the hopes of getting his own way. So after the Plt Leader called me to verify things, he was disappointed that my son had lied to him, which he was taking care of once he was done speaking with me! I have not received a call since. I too, receive awful fast written complaint session letters to! I get suggestions of quitting and how much he hates it and how he keeps getting in trouble for things that he is not responsible for. My son has always resisted change, he eventually gets there - but it takes longer than the others, so even though the letters are disheartening, I am not at all surprised by them. My husband and I are very concerned that September 4th is so close and that these so called 'letters of change and maturity' are non-existent in our world. I guess that 'no news is good news' still prevails and I feel that if OYCP's retention were not working, then they would call us right?
I trust OYCP and know that they schedule this with thought and success in mind. To me, there is a reason that they schedule this after 6 or so weeks, that they have found historically that the students will come back, or they wouldn't do it right?  |
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#7
08-20-2009
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Carrie, you make a good point. Maybe we have to trust that OYCP knows what they're doing by scheduling this break when they do. Thanks for your input. |
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#8
08-20-2009
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Fortunate Mom
I am so thankful that OYCP has this website for us to participate in! What this does is help to enforce that we were all are having the same issues (pretty much) at home with our sons/daughters, and now we all are doing the same things to fix our children, homes, families. It validates that I am not crazy, and I am not the lone ranger. It helps to know that others have the same concerns, joys, and fears, and we are going to get through it just like our children. The last two letters are what to bring to wear, what to bring to eat, where to go and eat, and what I need to cook!!!! He requested a cherry cheese cake and that takes a little time to whip up so he and I can work on it together in the kitchen and actually talk about things. Thanks for sharing it helps me to feel better about my concerns. See you in 2 weeks and 16 hours!
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#9
08-21-2009
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Admissions
Just as a few words of comfort. Most all kids come back after break, even the ones who say they won't. At the 6th week mark they can grasp what this program has done for them and realize the amount of time they have invested up to that point.
As far as what to do on break, a mini-vacation away from friends and influencers might not be a bad idea. This would be a great opportunity to re-connect with your teen. Other parents have done this. Your not tricking them, you are helping them to be successful. I wish you all the best! Frank Strupith  |
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#10
08-21-2009
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Sarah
Sarah; I would think the fact that he has not anything to get himself dismissed up until now is huge. He could have done half a dozen things by now to get himself home, so I think possibly he has been a great success for now. You might want to look at that to keep you going. Have you written him about your concerns? You might get some answers by asking him. Good luck, it takes a lot of courage to be a parent these days, I'll be sending you thoughts of strength and support. We just feel all there pains don't we? My Best Cadet Shepard's Mom-Lisa
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